I’m feeling a bit crazy as I type this. Not crazy in a bad way though.
It’s the kind of energy that is bursting from inside, threatening to spill over. The kind that makes me want to sprint down the street, bounce on the pavement and tumble down the hill. Any hill.
It’s a new thing I’ve discovered about myself – that when I get stressed out, I tend to get really high. That’s how I ‘act out’. And a few of my friends have had the privilege of witnessing that over the last week or so.
Queen’s birthday was when I reached my tipping point. I leaned my head against the window sill, letting out a sigh that was audible from rows behind.
My phone buzzed. I allowed myself to glance at the screen. It wasn’t a good idea, but I was so bored that any information was worth savouring.
I smiled and turned my head.
Within moments, we were in the elevator. I sprung out of the library doors, galloping out like a wild horse. I twirled around, spinning like a top. Where that torrent of energy was coming from, I did not know.
SM and I rushed down the streets (or rather I did, she watched me in amusement). There were leaves. Autumn leaves! I felt sorry for the cleaner who had neatly pushed them to the side but I did it anyway. Chased the leaves like a mischievous puppy. Crashed into the leave piles.
It felt good.
I hold conflicting feelings towards the exam preparation period. On one hand, it is a luxury to bundle up in warm clothes and just sit at my favourite spot in the library. I always choose to sit on the left side of the topmost floor because the views are simply awesome.
It has also been an awesome time with my three study buddies. It is the simply joy of being with the people I love. I love the times when I glance up and catch J’s eye and smiles flicker past our faces. My head turns back down to my textbook but I can’t stop smiling.
Or the times when I would proceed to make a face at S. Or whip out my phone to capture some random shots of my study buddies and hashtag it on Facebook. #whenIneedmotivation.
My friends weren’t too pleased about that (or maybe they were, secretly) but I must admit that the exam period has turned me into a paparazzi to deflect my boredom.
Or maybe I shouldn’t call it boredom. There are times when I experience stretches of concentration so delightful that I did not want to go for dinner. (I did, anyway. It’s a healthy habit.) But the concentration runs into bedtime and it leaves my mind whirring even as I try to go to sleep. Tossing and turning; the machine refuses to shut down.
I woke up once with the words ‘gender binary’ in my head amid my grogginess at the strike of dawn. Just yesterday, a voice in my head demanded, ‘Tell me the definition of prejudice.’ And I obediently complied, reciting it before I realized that I was just waking up.
Exam period has been an interesting time, even if it does look like sporadic periods of craziness. It’s the first time I am dealing with exam stress without my family around, so I guess it is forgivable for me to break out into sporadic peals of laughter, or a loud song at the dining table (‘Dutty, dutty, dutty love’ is the one I am currently obsessed with, much thanks to the gym playlist).
Living, and loving it.