Alas I am on vacation, in Paris of all places in fact. Seeing the historic sights that you see and learn about at school. Eating amazing food and experiences new things. It has also meant a time to completely remove myself from the Uni scene, from the day to day life that is waiting for me back in New Zealand. In this time of seclusion I am able to think… Too much? Well… Possibly, most likely, most definitely…. I apologise in advance for the word heavy blog but I will try and relieve it with random photos of my trip thus far.
If this first half of the second semester has shown me anything, it has been that I am stressing far too much about next year. Literally with every assignment I do, every reading, even showing up to my lectures I can’t seem to help myself but think about how it all has an implication on what could happen to me next year. I feel like every distant thought, every distracted moment forces me to think about next year by default. I don’t know why and I don’t think these thoughts are going to subside anytime soon but let me shed light on what is going on inside my brain.
A question to ask is, is the competitive nature of my course getting to me? Yes and no would be my answer, I care very much for what I am doing and want to get into second year law more than anything. If you still don’t understand how the Law entry works this is how it goes. Pretty much the first year law paper (Law and Society) is open entry, anyone can give it a crack and see If they enjoy it as part of a Conjoint Degree, but the second paper for semester two (Legal Method) has a GPA cut off to lower the numbers. From that point onward you are fighting for a limited amount of places to move on into Second year. This is all done by GPA. You need at least a B+ average to be considered and because they have increased the intake this year, the top 380 people will be invited to continue. In the second semester we have a little over 700 people fighting for these places, so in the end half will get cut. This is quite daunting. I know in my heart that I want this immensely and that I can indeed achieve this goal.
I think the thing that has gotten to me is that I didn’t think I would be so distracted by these thoughts. It’s literally been a day to day thing, almost a routine like breakfast accompanied by a side of study stress. I think what is worse is that when I was in high school, law was the first thing I thought about doing. My goals in law have changed a bit over the time between then and now but my study plans seemed to have always included law. So now that I am actually doing it, I cannot imagine doing anything else. I don’t think I would be content continuing my study if it did not have law as part of it. I think this has come down to the fact that when I think about how I learn, I love subjects that challenge my thinking, that provoke thought. Law gives me this. Now don’t get me wrong I love my other subjects, I am a proud political feen.
Flatting is another situation that has been fun to think about. I was in all honesty not in the best of places a couple of weeks ago and I was kind of doubting everything, my finances, my group, ability to put in the time and work needing to be done. I lost my spark for the flatting scene and with the time of year that we are at now, the conversation is kind of unavoidable. So when I just needed to let it be for a while and just focus on my studies and other things it was constantly being pushed in my face. This is no fault of anyone’s and nor do I hold a grudge about it but it was a tough few weeks pushing to get to the end of term trying to actually get excited about my holiday because I had so much going on I just couldn’t even let myself get stirred up like most people tend to, I felt like I lost a bit of the magic of the build up to this trip.
And here I am, typing away about everything that’s going on in my life whilst conveniently being placed half a world away from them. I am looking forward to coming back with a renewed mind and letting things just take their course. I may be stressing about uni and getting into law, but I am loving my subjects this semester and if all else fails I can come back next year fighting if I don’t quite make it at the end of the year. With flatting, I have time. That’s is the most important thing, and all the work I’ve put in to get to this point has all felt right and I am content in the foundations that I have laid to start the process. But until then, I will resign to the fact that I am actually on holiday on the other side of the globe so those things are irrelevant to me… for now. No, things are looking up. I am just in unchartered waters unsure of my destination yet I have all the tools to get soand I am excited, a bit scared, but mainly excited.
Have an awesome week. A beintôt.